What happens after the infidelity?
Will the cheating spouse confess and desire to start working on restoring trust? What happens if the cheating partner does not want this and instead decides to go his own way?
One of the possible consequences is depression after infidelity.
In this article you will learn how depression develops, what you can do to survive a depression after a fling in a relationship, and how you can best manage this stage of life.
What is depression and how does it develop after infidelity?
Once you have discovered your partner’s infidelity, there are four stages of severe depression after infidelity:
- Being in shock and denial.
- Feelings of guilt and anger
- Be resentful and want to negotiate
- Reflection and depression
Only after these first four phases can you really leave the affair behind and overcome the depression after the infidelity.
Many people suffer from depression, but what exactly is depression, and what triggers it?
It is triggered by the feeling of being cheated and unwanted. But as you have already read in this article, depression is just one of many emotions that come from the rollercoaster-like aftermath of infidelity. So how can you continue after you have been cheated on?
First, you will deny the facts, mainly because you are in shock. You keep telling yourself that what happened to you is simply not possible.
Overcoming the phase of guilt and anger
You may feel guilty for your partner’s infidelity and be angry with him or her at the same time. When the infidelity boils up in you, there will be a lot of anger. You may also be angry with yourself.
The next phase is to hold this anger deep inside you until you feel pure resentment. You may also strike at people around you, especially those close to you.
Finally, we enter the phase of reflection and depression. In this phase you discover what really happened and you come to terms with it. It is precisely for this reason that you may experience depression, ranging from mild to severe depression.
How do you survive a depression after a fling?
So how do you survive a depression after a betrayal or a depression caused by infidelity?
It is around this time that you feel for the first time that you have begun to get a grip on your life. But then sudden realizations shake that belief. You’re not in control of everything. Something terrible has happened to you. It is well known that this time triggers a sad reflection on the actions of both you and your partner. This is normal for this phase. Do not blame yourself for feeling sad or depressed.
Do not go into depression after you have been cheated on. It is okay to be sad, all emotions have to come out sooner or later anyway.
This is exactly the time when you need to take some time for yourself and think about what you want to do next. Well-intended advice or encouragement from friends or family may seem nice, but it is not really helpful. It is you who must go through this stage.
The fourth stage comes with a feeling of despair or emptiness. You will feel lost. And indeed, you have – in a sense – lost someone dear to you. You may feel that the special person you had in your life – the one with whom you shared intimacy, personal feelings, and secrets – has disappeared forever. Some people have the feeling that their marriage never happened; it may now seem very far away and unreal.
You will begin to feel lonely.
There is probably more in the house because you have lost your partner and probably also because you have no need to see friends or family at the moment. You mean well, but you keep on listening: “It’s time to move on with your life” will not make you feel better, nor will it help you.
This could lead to isolation, or at least a feeling of isolation, because you are not really understood by anyone around you. You simply have not been through what you have been through. And when they have, it is a different experience for everyone. Everyone has different coping tactics and different ways of dealing with loss.
What do we do now?
What can you do to recover from the depression after the end of the affair, or how can you survive a depression after a fling?
Depression after infidelity is not uncommon. But don’t hold your feelings back. Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Friends and family members may suggest that you just “let go” of things, but this is not always the best advice. In some cases, it is better to really experience the feelings you are having and go through the phase of depression after the affair has ended. That way they can get out of your system and you can begin to make progress to leave the affair behind.
Sometimes the spouses reconcile after the affair, but that “we are special and will never divorce” – the feeling is gone. Their marriage will never be the same. It’s up to you whether that’s a good thing or not. If you and your spouse are willing, you can reverse the negative experience of infidelity, which could become a very valuable lesson.
Each experience can teach you something about how the world works and what you value. There have been many couples who have become more intimate and stronger after an affair, after one of them had an affair.
It will hurt from time to time and it will be hard, but you both can get through this and become stronger than ever before.