Mistakes No One Should Make In Marriage:
1. Not making your partner feel special
While not every day can feel like your first date, forgetting to show your partner how special they are to you will eventually chip away at your marriage over time. No matter your age, “it is important to continue to do the things you did to catch your partner’s interest if you want to keep your partner’s interest,” explains sex and relationship coach Lisa M. Rogers, RN, founder of GreenAura Wellness. This can mean dressing up, flirting with one another, or just making the time to be alone together on a regular basis.
2. Neglecting your romantic side
It’s easy to get bogged down by work, kids, or the myriad other stresses that come along with day-to-day adult life. That said, if you’re not nurturing your romance, be prepared to watch it fade. “Setting aside time for date night and alone time helps couples stay connected and helps restore energy needed to keep a busy household running well—and keeps couples happy,” says Rogers.
3. Snooping on one another
Looking through your partner’s emails or texts is a huge invasion of privacy, as well as a violation of trust. “If you look hard enough, you will find something that could be interpreted negatively. If you believe the other person is untrustworthy, the interpretation of their actions will be colored by that belief,” says Gina Gardiner, an empowerment and relationship coach in the U.K., and founder of Genuinely You. You should trust your partner enough to not feel the need to go snooping—and if you don’t, it’s probably time to talk about why that is.
4. Not speaking up when you have a problem with your partner
It may not pay to bring up everything your partner does that annoys you, but when larger issues start to arise, keeping them bottled up will only cause your marriage harm. “Keeping quiet when you have an issue with your spouse builds anger and resentment and can lead to huge conflicts,” says Rogers. Her suggestion? Talk about a serious issue as soon as it comes up and work through it while it’s still fresh in your minds.
5. Trying to make your partner a different person
Expecting someone to radically transform in a marriage is simply unreasonable, unfair, and unproductive. “If you or your mate has to change your core beings in order to make the relationship work, you’re probably with the wrong person,”
6. Avoiding conflict at all costs
A certain amount of conflict is healthy for a relationship to grow. And as an adult, you need to be able to handle confrontation, instead of trying to avoid it. “Show me a couple who does not fight and I will show you a couple with deep secrets,” says Jessica Elizabeth Opert, a love and relationship expert in London. “It’s not about how much or how often you fight. It’s about how much love is left in the ring when you are done. You can have conflict without being disrespectful and unkind.”
7. Not working on yourself
It’s easy to feel like finding love is the end of a long journey, but the work does not stop there. It’s important to always be working on yourself, as you owe it to your partner to be the best you can be. ”Some people are fearful to look at themselves and their actions in their relationships,” Moss says. “Once someone is over 40, it becomes increasingly important to self-reflect, grow with your partner, and show up [for your] partner in a different, more self-aware manner.”