woman alone by herself

I am Learning To Totally Live Without You

I’m gradually improving my ability to live without you. It wasn’t so long ago that we broke up, but for me, it was like forever. I waited for you to realize how broken and scared I was to live my life without you, but I got back on my feet. I can do it without you.

I am gradually learning to live without my best friend. You were both a friend and a lover. That’s probably why I loved every small part of your personality. I loved our late-night talks and the way you hugged me as if no one would touch me after you. We were so wrong for each other, but it still felt so right.

I’m gradually learning to live without your good-morning kiss. Today was the first morning I didn’t wake up expecting you to kiss me and wish me a good day. Usually, I forget that you are no longer with me, but this morning I woke up and realized that you were not sleeping next to me and that I was alone.

woman packing boxes

I’m beginning to understand why we broke up. I didn’t understand it then because it was such an emotional event that I couldn’t think clearly anymore. All I could think about was that it must have been a joke and that it didn’t happen to me – but it did happen! Now I see that we broke up because we didn’t want the same things in our lives. You wanted a career and I wanted a family. You wanted to work and leave the country, while it was my own life’s wish to bring a wonderful child into the world. You didn’t like children. You never liked them.

I’m beginning to learn that’s all right. I’ll be fine and you’ll be fine and we’ll never be together again, but it’s okay. I don’t blame you for what happened, and I’ve stopped blaming myself. That’s just the way life is sometimes. We have to be aware of the fact that people break for more tragic reasons than we did.

I learn to forgive. Like I said, I don’t blame any of us anymore. I have learned that holding grudges is poisonous to my own mind and soul, so I have stopped blaming and holding on to what happened. This is all in the past now, so I forgive you and I forgive myself. We both deserve forgiveness, because it was not our fault that we separated. It was simply the fact that we weren’t meant for each other.

Slowly I am learning that love can’t be unconditional – as much as it pains me to say this, because I have always considered myself as someone who wears his heart on his sleeve, and that I should always love and give because the world needs more people like that. But the truth is that love cannot be unconditional. We have to know our limits, our limitations. You have to give something back if you want me to be there for you. This is the way the world works. I can’t just stand around and watch you take advantage of my kindness.

I’m slowly learning that it doesn’t have to hurt forever. Of course, I was devastated when you disappeared from my life. Now I see that it doesn’t have to hurt forever because the world has so many wonders for me that I can be enormously happy in my life without you. My chest does not have to hurt forever to remind me of what I have lost, but you can rather disappear in happy memory of a life I had in the past.

Slowly I am learning that I will be loved and that I will love again. I am sure that everyone goes through the phase of misery after a break-up if they think it is impossible to ever fall in love again, but that is not the case. There is someone out there who is destined for me, and that one person will stay by my side forever. We will get through everything together, but he will stay. Someone will stay!

So I’m not crying anymore. Sometimes I remember you, and it makes me think about what we’ve been through, and it makes me think that love is so fragile. But it gives me hope for a new life. Because of those thoughts, I’m slowly learning to live without you.

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