There are some mothers and daughters who only spend time together on weekends, and then there are those who spend time together every day. There are some mothers and daughters who live in the same household, and there are others who have separate living conditions. There are some mothers and daughters who have daily fights, and there are those who actively avoid conflicts with each other. It really all depends on the different personalities involved.
But there is one thing that is consistent in all mother-daughter relationships. They will always go through their fair share of ups and downs. Roni Cohen-Sandler, an experienced psychologist and co-author of the book “I’m not crazy, I just hate you! A New Understanding of the Mother-Daughter Conflict, lends us some of her views and insights on the subject.
She claims that there are three common complaints that most daughters have about their mothers. They say that mothers try to educate them by being overly critical and demanding. And from the mother-daughters’ perspective, they tend to be disobedient, they make wrong choices, and they don’t bother to spend time with them.
No matter what your relationship with your daughter is like, there is always room for improvement. You always want to pay attention to how you and your daughter interact with each other, because your upbringing ultimately determines the kind of person she will be in the future.
And the fact that you read articles like this is proof that you are a good mother who never stops learning. So here, without much thought, are some ways you can improve your relationship with your daughter.
1. Set realistic expectations for your relationship.
Always try to set realistic expectations for yourself as a mother-daughter combination. In this way, you both always know what to expect from each other and no one will be left behind in this process.
2. Give your daughter space and freedom to be her own person.
Yes, you are her mother and want to be able to support her to the best of your ability. But you must also know your limits. You must make sure that you do not control her to the point where she cannot be her own person.
3. Initiate the process of rapprochement
Stop waiting for the other one to move. Just because you are the mother does not mean that your daughter has to be the one who always comes to you first. You should be just as ready to initiate the process of getting closer.
4. Communicate honestly and effectively with each other
Communication is actually one of the most important aspects of healthy and strong relationships. If you really want to have a strong bond with your daughter, you need to improve the level of communication in your relationship.
5. Respect the privacy of your daughter.
Always respect the privacy of your daughter. Yes, you want to keep track of her life. But you also need to trust that she is making the right decisions. You must also trust her. You have to be able to believe that she’s not doing anything devious behind your back. If you break that trust, you can do serious damage to your relationship.
6. Always try to put yourself in her shoes.
Before you condemn her for anything, always try to put yourself in her shoes. You must always make her feel that you are trying to understand her better every day.
7. Practice maximum patience and understanding at all times.
She will not always be perfect. She will not always make the right decisions in life. And that is fine. That is a part of being human. You just have to try to be as patient and as understanding as possible with her. Let her know that you’re always right behind her, even when she screws up.
8. Be an active listener.
Always be an active listener. Sometimes, as a mother, you can get involved in trying to impart so much wisdom and knowledge to your daughter that you forget to listen to her. Remember that she can also give you many perspectives.