We marry dreaming of “happily-ever-after.” But sadly, 25% of all women in the US (and a significant % of men) find themselves in an abusive marriage or partnership. And when that occurs, most are in denial.
You know things are not going well for you and your partner. Your partner did seem distant and resentful towards you that last time you guys talked.
Like always you expect them to come around, let go of the steam and become their normal self with time. Instead, one day, you come home to find their clothes missing from their cabinets and a nicely folded piece of paper on the dinner table waiting for you to read – a divorce notice.
Do you think this situation could happen in your life?
It’s not surprising that couples start to quarrel and settle it…quarrel and settle it, until one day they everything falls apart and you got deserted. Those promises where eventually fake! Don’t neglect your relationship issues when they are unripe, you never know, your relationship could be trampling ups and downs. Which can be very difficult. Solve issues when they show up to avoid divorce.
What are the real top reasons for divorce?
Lack of communication, financial difficulties, Infidelity or Trust Issues, scanty sessions of sex, and intimacy are some of the common reasons for divorce.
Let’s take a quick look at the 10 most common reasons for divorce and hope that you can learn from the mistakes of others before it’s too late.
10 Top Reasons for Divorce
Extra-marital affairs are responsible for the breakdown of most marriages that end in divorce. This is one of the most common causes of divorce. The reasons why people cheat aren’t as cut and dry as our anger may lead us to believe.
Anger and resentment are common underlying reasons for cheating, along with differences in sexual appetite and lack of emotional intimacy.
Infidelity often begins as a seemingly innocent friendship, says cheating expert Ruth Houston. “It starts as an emotional affair which later becomes a physical affair”. Infidelity is the number one reason for divorce. It is also one of the legal reasons for divorce, besides living apart for more than a year and subjecting your partner to cruelty (mental or physical).
13 Most Common Causes of Infidelity in a Marriage
Infidelity is bad and nothing will never make it right. Many marriages have fallen into the trap of infidelity and didn’t come out alive. Only 1% of marriages overcome divorce out of 100% after infidelity.
However, here are 13 Most Common Causes of Infidelity in a Marriage
1. The Internet
The Internet is a major cause of infidelity. It is much easier to find forbidden fruit online than it is in person.
2. Running Away from Problems
One of the major causes of infidelity is running away from problems in the relationship. The best thing to do is solving every single problem whenever they showcase. Don’t procrastinate, it’s dangerous.
Pornography is widespread on the Internet – but does this lead to affairs? Does it lead to emotional affairs and the destruction of love and trust? Definitely! Internet and “porn fixation” are vital factors prompting the failure of marriages today. And you might be surprised to know that this problem is not discriminatory toward men. More and more women suffer from the Internet and porn addiction today just as much as men.
Facebook is now a contributing factor to about a third of all divorces. A couple of years ago, that number was 25%. You can meet anyone online. I have had cases where someone reconnected with a high school sweetheart and ran off during the divorce even though the sweetheart lived over 3,000 miles away. An online fantasy that the “grass is greener on the other side” is a significant cause in the breakdown of marriages today.
Boredom can lead to an affair. Many people fall into routines, including tired routines in the bedroom. What do you do to keep your marriage fresh? Many divorces could be possibly avoided if people took the time and commitment to communicate verbally and physically and keep things exciting. Some people look for excitement to escape boredom. It can be by experimenting with other relationships, trying drugs, fast cars, or hanging out with different people.
6. Growing Apart with Your Partner
People grow apart. Do you and your partner have the same goals anymore? Do you want to ride off into the sunset together after the children are grown? Is your spouse your best friend?
Alcohol and drugs often go hand in hand with affairs. I have seen many cases where a spouse will trade one addiction for another. A person’s addiction to drugs or alcohol is chemically no different than an addiction to the Internet, porn, food, or any other unhealthy excess.
8. Not Married for the Right Reasons
Most people today go into a relationship because of selfish reasons. Did you marry for the right reason? Did you become the right person for your partner? Do you both have enough in common? If not, infidelity is very close knocking at the door of your marriage.
9. Lack of Respect at Home
I have seen a lot of homes broken because the wife ceases to respect her husband all because she is financially a bit ahead of him. The truth id that for you to have a peaceful home and avoid divorce, you will need to be submissive before your husband can respect you.
10. Feeling Unappreciated
Are you appreciating your spouse’s efforts to make the relationship work? Do you see them at all? At least, appreciate your partner to encourage them to do more. They are sacrificing a lot for the marriage already, what are you doing to support them? When you don’t appreciate them, you are writing a letter to infidelity.
12. Issues Involving Body Image and Aging
Issues involving body image and weight gain as well as aging can, unfortunately, lead to an affair and or divorce. Some people will “trade-in” an aging spouse for a “younger” model. Of course, the point of this paragraph has nothing to do with unavoidable medical issues. But let’s face it. Many spouses tend to “let themselves go” over time. During the “romance” period, both spouses typically try to present themselves in the best possible light to “win” the affections and marriage commitment of the other. Once the prize (marriage) is won, many people think that “the chase is over.” Not so. Marriage is only the beginning. If people continued to consciously keep “chasing” their spouse, affairs and divorces could be avoided.
At the same time, too much insecurity can be one of the causes of infidelity in a marriage. The need for constant reaffirmation can lead to an affair, especially if one spouse becomes “too needy” or “too clingy.” It’s a delicate balance to find, but marriage requires nothing less than true and dedicated commitment.
13. Living Apart for Extended Periods of Time
Travel for work and living apart for extended periods of time invariably lead to affairs. It’s going to be difficult to meet the needs of your spouse when you are apart from them. Someone else might eventually show up and buff! infidelity happens.
There are diverse ways money can cause divorce from debt, personality, extended family to power roles.
Money makes people funny, or so the saying goes, and it’s true.
Why is divorce so common due to financial incompatibility? According to divorce statistics, a “final straw” reason for divorce is a lack of compatibility in the financial arena.
Everything from different spending habits and financial goals to one spouse making considerably more money than the other, causing a power struggle can distort a marriage to the shattering point.
“Money really touches everything. It impacts people’s lives,” said Emmet Burns, brand marketing director for SunTrust. Clearly, money and stress do seem to go hand in hand for many couples.Emmet Burns
Financial troubles can be categorized as one of the biggest causes of divorce, after infidelity, which is the number one reason for divorce.
3. Lack of communication
Communication is crucial in marriage and not being able to communicate effectively quickly leads to resentment and frustration for both, impacting all aspects of a marriage.
A lack of communication in marriage is a fast track to divorce. A marriage consists of two people who come from different backgrounds and have different methods of communication, wants, and needs. So it’s understandable how these varying factors can make it difficult for couples to talk. Your relationship needs a strong emotional and physical bonds to succeed.
On the other hand, good communication is the foundation of a strong marriage. Yelling at your spouse, not talking enough throughout the day, making nasty comments to express yourself are all unhealthy methods of communication that need to be removed in a marriage. Unhealthy communication is one of the biggest reasons for divorce.
Practicing mindful communication to change age-old marriage mistakes can be hard but it’s well worth the effort to improve and save your relationship.
4. Constant arguing
From bickering about chores to arguing about the kids; incessant arguing kills many relationships.
Couples who seem to keep having the same argument over again often do so because they feel they’re not being heard or appreciated.
Many find it hard to see the other person’s point of view, which leads to a lot of arguments without ever coming to a resolution, which can ultimately be a cause of divorce.
5. Weight gain
It may seem awfully superficial or unfair, but weight gain is one of the most common reasons for divorce.
It may seem odd but weight gain is also one of the leading causes of divorce. In some cases a significant amount of weight gain causes the other spouse to become less physically attracted while for others, weight gain takes a toll on their self-esteem, which trickles into issues with intimacy and can even become a cause of divorce.
6. Unrealistic expectations
It’s easy to go into a marriage with lofty expectations; expecting your spouse and the marriage to live up to your image of what they should be.
These expectations can put a lot of strain on the other person, leaving you feeling let down and setting your spouse up for failure. Wrong expectation setting can become one of the reasons for divorce.
7. Lack of intimacy
Not feeling connected to your partner can quickly ruin a marriage because it leaves couples feeling as though they’re living with a stranger or more like roommates than spouses.
This can be from a lack of physical or emotional intimacy and isn’t always about sex. If you are constantly giving your spouse the cold shoulder, then know that over time it can become the ground for divorce.
Ignoring your partner’s sexual needs is being called the number one cause of divorce in recent times.
Making your relationship intimate and special is the responsibility of both partners. Practice little acts of kindness, appreciation, and enjoy physical intimacy as much as possible to sweeten your relationship.
8. Lack of equality
Lack of equality comes closely after the number one cause of divorce, lack of intimacy in current times.
When one partner feels that they take on more responsibility in the marriage, it can alter their opinion of the other person and lead to anger.
Resentment often becomes one of the leading causes of divorce
Every couple must settle through their own and unique set of challenges, and find their own way of living together as two equals who enjoy a respectful, harmonious, and joyful relationship.
9. Not being prepared for marriage
A surprising number of couples of all ages have blamed not being prepared for married life for the demise of their relationship. Divorce rates are highest among couples in their early 20s. Lack of preparation is one of the most common reasons for divorce.
Almost half the divorces occur in the first 10 years of marriage, especially between the fourth and eighth anniversary.
Physical or emotional abuse in a marriage is a sad reality for some couples.
Physical abuse is intimate partner violence. It is simply the infliction of physical pain (hitting, pushing, or grabbing). On the contrary, emotional abuse is often quite subtle. This abuse occurs when a partner has you constantly “walking on eggshells” or feeling manipulated. Examples of emotional abuse may be a partner who is excessively jealous, who often makes fun of you, guilt trips you, withdraws affection randomly, or who gives you the silent treatment, among other actions.
Economic abuse involves a spouse who excessively controls the finances. The controlled spouse’s self-esteem is chipped away by the abusive partner leaving them feeling powerless, shut down, fearful, and ultimately very unhappy in the marriage.
It doesn’t always stem from the abuser being a “bad” person; deep emotional issues are usually to blame. Regardless of the reason, no one should tolerate abuse, and removing yourself from the relationship safely is important.
No marriage is easy.
Even couples with the best intentions are sometimes unable to overcome their ups and downs and end up in courtrooms filing for divorce. That’s why it’s important to address issues in your relationship very early when they show up. Don’t let them become one of the reasons for divorce. Don’t wait until they are beyond fixing.
Practice kindness, make intimacy a priority, go on holidays, and seek marriage counseling (even when things are fine) to preserve the health and longevity of your relationship.
Try your very best before you decide that things go out of your control, there are too many reasons for divorce and it is time to give up. That way you can have the peace of knowing you tried all of the options before the big step. Divorce is one of the worst things that can happen to a marriage, but at times, the best thing you can do is just let go to protect your life.